Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
