Barsexuality is the new black.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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