I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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