But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
