He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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