i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
