Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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