i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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