I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
