she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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