I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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