just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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