he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
