Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
