Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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