he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
