The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
