At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
