I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
