we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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