Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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