If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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