If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
