i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
