I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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