Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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