I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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