I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Randomize
