I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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