You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize