so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
