DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
