we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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