so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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