Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize