ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
