Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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