haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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