Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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