Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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