Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
