Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize