My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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