He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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