So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
