I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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