1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
