And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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