seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize