They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize