Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
