I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I smell like Dick and happiness
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