I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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