You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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