i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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