Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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