I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
