so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
