Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
