how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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