yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
