So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
