Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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