that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
