don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
