smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
