That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize