So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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