hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
